Leaving
by SavvdbyEdward
Summary: A short story based on the time before Edward left Bella. Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer.


I crouched on the roof listening, waiting for her to stop her frantic pacing. From the desk to the window, from the window to the desk... She made this circuit ten times before finally trudging, resigned to the light switch. She hesitated, but then flicked the switch with more force than necessary. Mumbling something unintelligible, she made her way to her bed, sounding angry and dissappointed at the same time. I smiled, although a small part of me was very worried about what made her feel this way.

She tossed and turned on her small bed, while a deep, loud noise rumbled through the roof. About twenty feet away, Charlie snored contentedly, completely unaware of what his daughter was about to experience. Or rather, what _I_ was going to do to his daughter...

I frowned, the flicker of regret returning to torment me again. It wriggled and twisted in my chest, constricting my airway, brutally twisting whatever was left in my chest. I forced myself to concentrate on the sound of her breathing. Just a few more seconds. As soon as she falls asleep, I can go in. I can see her again. Longing tore through my chest, overshadowing the burning pain of thirst in my throat. I hadn't hunted in days. But I couldn't leave her now, not when we had so little time left...

I forced myself to focus on Bella's slow breathing, driving away all the distracting thoughts. It's about time _now_. I pleaded with myself. I listened harder, for the sound of her heartbeat. The burning thirst raged on in my throat, but I was in control. I would let nothing hurt her now. Not even me. Her heart beat slowly, blood gushing out with each contraction. I heard the rumple of sheets as she curled up on her side, the way she usually slept.

Slowly, carefully, I leapt from the roof into her window. The thud as I landed seemed to reverberate through the house, even though it was probably inaudible to human ears. I turned my head cautiously toward her. Perhaps I had not been as careful as I meant to be. On the bed, she continued sleeping peacefully, completely unaware of my entrance. I wanted to sigh in relief, but the sight of her took my breath away.

The moonlight shone on her face, highlighting the curve of her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her full lips... It shone in her hair, highlighted a pale arm that was sticking out of the covers habitually, as if she was hugging someone. I realised with a jab of pain that that someone was probably me. She was waiting for me, even when asleep. How could I do this to her? It would kill her, crush her fragile human heart to pieces...

I clenched my jaw. I was doing this for _her_. I was doing this to protect her, to protect her happiness, to protect her future. I was doing this because I love her. _I love her. _The words reverberated through my head, and as I looked down at her pale, innocent face, I felt my hardened features begin to thaw. I took a step towards her, one arm outstretched. Just this last time then. One last time before it all ends.

I pressed my palm gently to her soft cheek, feeling the warmth seep into my cold, hard skin. Even though she was sleeping, I saw her cheeks glow a rosy pink. She grunted, then flopped her moved her hugging arm, curling it around my arm instead. I pulled gently at her fragile fingers, trying to loosen her grip enough to remove my arm without waking her. I had almost succeeded, but then she began to talk.

"Edward." She murmured. I felt her face change, her mouth turned down as she frowned. I studied her features closely. Perhaps I had woken her up? But her eyes were closed. Sleeptalking, then. Why was she frowning, though? Was she angry at me? Did she hate me and my family for what Jasper had done? For what we were? A jab of pain pierced me like an arrow. Which was funny, because nothing like _that_ could pierce through me anymore. I turned the situation around, trying to look at the situation positively. Which wasn't very hard, I had to admit. Well, that's good. It'll be easier for her and I when the time comes. _When the time comes..._ The words hit me hard, like a bullet train slamming full speed against my body.

About half a minute after saying my name, she spoke again. "Edward...forgive me...I love you..." Her words shocked me into breathlessness. I couldn't move, not even to release her grip on my arm and run away. Run far, far away where I wouldn't have to listen to this beautiful girl whom I had to leave soon tell me that she loved me. And what did she mean by _forgive her_? I was the one who needed forgiving. If it weren't for me, she would probably have a normal life, go out with normal friends, date a normal boy and someday, get married, and have children and grandchildren. If it weren't for me, she would have been happy. She would not have been exposed to the kind of danger I put her in. As the pain ripped me in half, I found the strength to pull my arm away from her grip and jump out the window.

I landed, rolling on the grass. Through the window, I heard her groan and turn over to her side again, still sleeping peacefully. Even though the night air was clear, it didn't help to ease the throbbing of my head. Pain seared through every fibre of my being, suffused with longing and regret. My face twisted with the intensity of the feeling, and I knew it had turned into the mask of silent pain which I had seen on Esme's face before, when I had returned from my streak of defiance decades ago.

Now, as I rolled around on her garden with agony, I felt the overwhelming urge to scream. But my muscles were locked, rigid with the pain which tore through my veins. It ripped me apart, burned through my throat in a way I had never experienced before. "Bella, oh dear Bella" I gasped, my voice barely more than a whisper. "I'm sorry. So sorry. I'm sorry for ruining your life. I'm sorry I took away your happiness. I'm sorry I have to do this. But I can't keep putting you in danger. Please forget about me. Please. I want you to be happy..." I trailed off, unable to continue. I gasped for the air I didn't need, and my eyes closed, crying the tears that I could no longer cry.

The sun peeked at me from behind the mountains, spreading its reddish glow over the sleeping land. I lifted my head from my arms. Bella would be awake soon. I stood robotically, and ran towards the forest, in the direction of my abandoned home, which I would leave in a few hours.

Today, it was the day for goodbyes.


End file.
